I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
