Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
