too bad you live with your parents still
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
