Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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