drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
