two words: eviction party
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
