guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
