ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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