you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
