If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
