all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
