Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
