ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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