Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They left me at home... I'm a liability
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
