I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I will die if light touches me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i out mim tonsoeep
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