well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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