i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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