Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
