dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
