I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
