Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
