Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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