Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
