ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
