My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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