are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
