my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
