The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
