He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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