I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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