Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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