That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
