Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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