Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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