My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
