I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
