What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
