smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
