I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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