The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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