You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
