They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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