garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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