We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
