it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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