Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
