I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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