a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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