He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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