Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
